In his latest attempt to redefine unhinged self-destruction, failed freestyler and self-proclaimed Nazi Kanye West has spewed a now-infamous series of tweets, including his groundbreaking linguistic experiment:
“I DONT EVEN KNOW WHAT THE FUCK ANTI SEMETIC MEANS ITS JUST SOME BULLSHIT JEWISH PEOPLE MADE UP TO PROTECT THEIR BULLSHIT WAS THAT THE WRITE THERE.”
The phrase remains largely undeciphered, with scholars believing it failed somewhere between spellcheck and an aneurysm.
This latest outburst follows a consistent pattern of Kanye’s psychological decline, which began with “Slavery was a choice” and crescendoed with “I LOVE HITLER NOW WHAT BITCHES”—a sentence previously only uttered in the third act of Schindler’s List.
“It’s truly groundbreaking,” said one historian. “Usually when a public figure openly declares admiration for Adolf Hitler, they don’t get to continue selling overpriced sweatpants.”
Yet despite the outcry, Ye maintains 32.5 million followers on X, the platform where his outburst took place—likely due to his ban from Instagram—potentially the only thing Mark Zuckerburg has done right in his entire career.
In a subsequent tweet, Ye has unveiled his newest master plan: purchasing multiple luxury vehicles to somehow vanquish an entire ethno-religious group.
“IM BUYING TWO MAYBACHS TOMORROW,” Kanye tweeted at 3:42 a.m., with the frantic energy of a man who just discovered that Wi-Fi still works inside a psychiatric hold. “IMA MAKE THE JEWISH PERSON WHO’S SELLING IT TO ME READ ALL THESE TWEETS AND I BET YOU SEE ME WHIPPING MAYBACHS.”
Political analysts, historians, and at least one visibly exhausted Jewish car dealer struggled to understand the precise mechanics of how this transaction would bring an end to Judaism, but as with all things Kanye, logical coherence was never the objective.
Was he attempting to bankrupt world Jewry by… giving them money? Was this a performance art piece meant to satirize self-inflicted financial ruin? Or had he simply mistaken a car dealership for the headquarters of the Elders of Zion? The world may never know.
“They don’t want you to buy Maybachs,” Kanye ranted to an audience consisting of Nick Fuentes, a cardboard cutout of Elon Musk, and one dude who thought he was at a listening party. “They want you to stay controlled. They want you to think for yourself, but only inside their thoughts.”
Kanye then announced the launch of his new clothing brand called YAY-SS™, featuring a $900 T-shirt that simply says,“SOME OF MY BEST FRIENDS ARE JEWISH AND I DONT TRUST ANY OF THEM.”
Linguistic scholars have yet to decipher the full meaning of the sentence, though some suspect it may be the result of Ye Using Twitter’s character limit to simulate the effects of head trauma.
At press time, Kanye was last seen outside a closed Maybach dealership, banging on the glass and screaming, “THE JEWS TOOK SATURDAYS TOO?!”—leaving experts to wonder if his next big revelation will be a desperate claim that the Jews stole his ability to make good music.
At this point, if you’re still streaming his music, you might as well Venmo him for swastika embroidery lessons.
Cover image via Free Malaysia Today, Creative Commons
