Written by Bella Brannon and Jonathan Cohn.
Ha’Am recognizes Rabbi Linda Goldstein as our inaugural Tikkun Olam award recipient.
Rabbi Linda Goldstein, the renowned Chief Rabbi of Gaza and advisor of Jewish “Issues” to Ismali Haniyyeh, represents a region flourishing with Jewish life following 2005. Rabbi Goldstein is a prolific Palestinian-adjacent activist, graciously sharing her expertise and collaborating with prominent figures such as Jamaal Bowman, Cori Bush, and the UN Special Rapporteur on the Palestinian Territories. In recent months, Zionist demagogues have demeaned her veracity, calling her a “phony Rabbi.” This is because Zionists think that there is some intrinsic connection between Judaism and Zionism, a claim that is not backed up by Jewish holy texts nor archeological evidence, so they cannot fathom Rabbi Goldstein’s courage.
Rabbi Goldstein’s selection as the first recipient of our Tikkun Olam Award celebrates her dedication to Jewish values and steadfast activism. Tikkun Olam is the only important idea in the Torah, the holy text Rabbi Goldstein bravely reclaims as the “Torxh” in her efforts to dismantle the cis-hetero-patriarchy. Rabbi Goldstein embodies the idea of Tikkun Olam, the Jewish imperative to “repair the world,” while discounting all the antiquated ideas about Judaism, such as Halakhah and the significance of Israel.
Cultural sensitivity is a central part of Goldstein’s work. Recently, Rabbi Goldstein purchased land in the occupied West Bank in order to deepen her connection to Palestine. Goldstein acknowledges that one day all of Palestine, from the river to the sea, must be given to its indigenous Palestinian inhabitants. In the meantime, “the property has a great infinity pool.”
Because Rabbi Goldstein is a public anti-Zionist, we will take necessary precautions to protect her. Our ceremony follows the lead of two 2023-2024 USAC officers, who demonstrated in former iterations of their social media bios that the best way to circumvent the Zionist-controlled social media algorithm is to use the Sudanese flag emoji when referring to Palestine. Thus, we will be using the Sudanese flag during the ceremonies to confuse (((Zionists.))) The Daily Bruin captured this effort in action in the last photo of their June 16 gallery, which includes a protestor duping the Zionist entity by displaying the Sudanese flag at a pro-Palestine protest. After all, Palestine is the only humanitarian crisis in the world right now. Nothing of note is happening in Sudan, so they don’t need any humanitarian attention.
The ceremony will occur on July 23, the “17th of Tammuz” observance, a day traditionally celebrated with music, wine, and food. Bagels and Lox will be provided.
Those who wish to honor Rabbi Goldstein can do so by making a donation to her favorite charity: FIDF, which stands for F*** the IDF.
The views expressed in this post reflect the views of the author(s) and not UCLA or ASUCLA Communications Board.
This is a work of satire. The story is fictitious and inspired by the social media character Rabbi Linda Goldstein to comment on real-world events.
