Persian girls are known for their beautiful hair, unique attitudes and determination to succeed. But hold up — it’s not so simple, no one’s life is a happily-every-after fantasyland, and just like everyone else, Persian girls deal with their own set of common problems. Here is a short list of the many challenges that Persian girls face on a daily basis.
1. You are terrified that you won’t live up to your Persian parents’ hopes of your achievement of a high degree of education.
“You eh have to become eh doktor or loyair. Vhy you don’t you underehstand, okeh?”
2. Getting picked up from your neighbor’s house when going on a date is typical.
When notifying your parents that you are going on a date with a guy, they ask a multitude of questions such as: Who is his dad? His mom? His mother’s maiden name? His address? His phone number in case of emergency? Who is his uncle? Who is his uncle’s wife’s grandmother’s cousin? So yeah, long story short, it’s just easier to say, “Bye! Going to the neighbor’s house.” This way, you can change clothes and proceed with your night without having to face a two hour-interrogation that is more extensive than an FBI investigation.
3. An elderly lady approaching you to go out with her 37-year-old son is very normal.
This probably sounds familiar: “Wow, vow, you are so pretty and behyutafool! Are you eh Persian? I have a very handsome boy for you, he is eh doktor and still has his hair. Can I have your number so I give to him?”
4. Hairy monster or Hairless Goddess?
Persian girls take care of themselves very well. They like to look presentable and elegant at all times. And although Persians may be known to be hairy, Persian girls often strut beautiful, soft skin. Maybe she was born with it, or maybe it’s the result of spending $5,000 on ten laser hair removal treatments in attempt to make her body hair-free. You will never know.
5. As a kid, you were embarrassed by your lunch.
Some foods look very strange to the non-Persian eye, but since when is appearance an indicator of how good the food tastes? You would always wish you could be “normal” like the other kids and have a PB&J; sandwich. You are used to people eyeing you and secretly wondering “What is that?!” while you’re eating your Shabbat Ghormeh Sabzi leftovers.
6. The air smells cleaner.
When going to high school or college in an area heavily populated with Persians, you are used to seeing girls with bandages on their noses. In their defense, it was not a nose job, but a “deviated septum,” of course. But really, a deviated septum or choosing to deviate her appearance, who cares?
7. You are used to people thinking you have hickies on your neck.
You like to straighten your hair often, and sometimes it results in burns on your neck. Sure, this might seem like a #sadlife at first glance, but #painisgain.
8. You have at least four friends with the name Jasmine,
Jasmin. Jasman. Jasaman. Yasman. Yasmine. Yasaman. When you hang out with your girls and someone says the name Jasmine, you see three heads turn and probably wonder how their names are spelled.
9. Your grandma is obsessed with feeding you.
If you go to your grandma’s house and do not finish your full plate of food, she will wrongfully assume that you do not eat enough food and tell your mother to be worried about your so-called “loss of appetite.” Of course, in reality, the real reason your plate was not empty was because your grandmother continuously added food to your plate as you ate.
10. A Hairy Situation…
Your dad is screaming because he had to pay $200 to the plumber after your hair clogged up the drains in the shower… again.
